Philosophy is a Serious Business, here at Chez Poppalina.
We believe that the Meaning of Life, the Universe and Everything can be found in subjects as mundane, as commonplace, as the humble teddy bear biscuit.
How to Eat, or How Not To Eat. That is the question.
Does one bite the head off decisively, mercifully annihilating consciousness in the shortest possible time?
The Creative Genius subscribes to this school of thought. Given her fondness for eating teddy bear biscuits, she sincerely believes that the very least she can do is minimise their suffering. I suspect an apology even forms part of the equation, albeit offered silently, so as to not embarrass herself in front of her groover friends.
Or is one shocked by the wanton brutality of the above method, preferring instead to eat from the feet up?
Given that a teddy bear biscuit can be reasonably presumed to lack a nervous system, to prolong it's existence as long as possible then becomes a priority. The Godmother considers this an Act of Respect, and the Only Civilized Option.
Interestingly, in both cases, the teddy bear-ness of the teddy is presumed to reside in the head.
You don't believe me that this was a bona fide debate, do you?
Well, it was. And it went on for Some Time. A surprising number of people got in on it.
Being initially bamboozled, and then prostrate with amusement at the earnestness of the discussion, I was eventually called upon to give the problem my serious attention.
Being a bit of a head biter, myself, I had first to consider the possibility of Teddy Bear Consciousness. Is a biscuit in the shape of a teddy bear a Sentient Being? If so, exactly what degree of sentience are we talking about? In what part of the teddy bear does the Mind reside? Is not the consumption of a teddy bear biscuit simply part of it's karma, in which case we're probably only liberating it anyway? Does it know of it's own existence? Can it feel pain? If you bite it, does it not bleed?
Well, no, actually. Not unless crumbs count.
Not surprisingly, this line of thinking got me nowhere, and had me feeling incredibly silly in about zero seconds flat.
I decided, ultimately - being the thoughtful and compassionate yogini that I am, and given that we can't be sure that Teddy Bears even know that they're being eaten - that the most important thing is to appreciate the teddy bear as we sink our teeth into whatever part of it's anatomy we deem appropriate; to celebrate and give thanks for the teddy bear's existence, whatever that may be, whilst chewing it to a digestible paste; to knowingly bring teddy bear-ness into ourselves in a Merging of Consciousness, as we swallow greedily and then reach, almost immediately, for another.
That, or give up eating teddy bear biscuits altogether.
Which is unthinkable.
Happy Valentine's Day.